Learn how to support your partner at home when raising young kids. Practical tips on communication, mindfulness, and asking for help to create a balanced family life.

Ah, life with young children a delightful combination of joy, sleep deprivation, and an ongoing battle to remember what day of the week it is. Gerald and Anna found themselves in this particular quagmire of chaos. Their eldest, Oliver, a three-and-a-half-year-old whirlwind of boundless energy, was constantly demanding attention, while their younger child, Mia, was at that charming stage where she was learning to walk but still had the coordination of a mildly intoxicated penguin. To add to the joy, Anna’s family had become suddenly preoccupied with various other commitments, and her parents, once a pillar of support, were now more absent than a cup of tea at an American dinner party.

So, one evening, Gerald, fresh from a full day of work, walked through the front door, blissfully unaware that he was stepping straight into the minefield of a parental meltdown. The result? A heated disagreement that had little to do with any actual wrongdoing and far more to do with exhaustion, frustration, and the mental equivalent of trying to juggle flaming torches while riding a unicycle.

Here are the eight highly refined, thoroughly British strategies that Gerald and Anna adopted to restore a sense of order (or at least make the chaos slightly more bearable).

1. Understand the Emotional Load

Anna, having spent the entire day refereeing toddler disputes and negotiating peace treaties over biscuits, desperately needed to offload. Gerald, still mentally in ‘work mode,’ was caught off guard and unable to switch gears fast enough. The problem? Neither of them realised they were both just overwhelmed human beings in need of a break. Recognition of this simple fact helped them start to untangle the knots of stress rather than tie them even tighter.

2. Use a ‘Transition Ritual’ After Work

Gerald needed a buffer zone between the office and the delightful mayhem that was his home. So, he adopted a revolutionary new strategy sitting in his car for two minutes before entering the house.

No, not for a nap, though the temptation was real. Instead, he practised a simple breathing exercise to reset his mind and ensure that, when he finally stepped inside, he was emotionally present rather than carrying the stress of his day like an overstuffed briefcase.

3. Communicate Needs Clearly – Without Subtitles

Gerald, like many people, secretly wished that others would just know when he needed help rather than having to spell it out. The problem with this approach? It simply doesn’t work. His parents, who were blissfully unaware of how chaotic life had become, assumed that if Gerald and Anna needed help, they’d ask. And Gerald assumed that if they wanted to help, they’d offer. This resulted in precisely zero help being received.

4. Deploy the ‘Love Letter Technique’ (No Actual Calligraphy Required)

Rather than launching into an emotionally charged confrontation, Gerald took a more refined approach. He crafted a thoughtful and diplomatic message to his mother, explaining the reality of their situation, expressing gratitude for past help, and gently suggesting ways they could offer ongoing support without feeling obligated to do a three-week babysitting boot camp.

5. Reaffirm Love and Support – Even When Sleep-Deprived

Despite the stress, Gerald realised that the one thing keeping this ship afloat was teamwork. He started making an active effort to tell Anna she was doing an incredible job (which she was) and to acknowledge her efforts rather than taking them for granted. Because sometimes, a simple “Thank you for keeping our children alive today” goes a long way.

6. Find Small Moments of Connection (Without a Scheduled Meeting)

Deep conversations about feelings and stress are all well and good, but let’s face it – when you have young children, these conversations tend to happen at wildly inconvenient times (usually when someone is crying or has just smeared yoghurt on the walls). Instead of waiting for the “perfect moment,” Gerald and Anna started making small gestures throughout the day a quick text, a reassuring hug, a shared joke about the absurdity of their lives. These moments of connection made a world of difference.

7. Encourage External Support (Even If It’s Uncomfortable)

Gerald had always had a complicated relationship with his parents, mainly due to growing up with undiagnosed ADHD. But he realised that asking for help wasn’t about rehashing past frustrations; it was about creating a new way forward. Instead of expecting everything to change overnight, he took a step back and allowed his parents the chance to show up in a way that worked for them.

8. Seek Professional Guidance (Because Parenting is Basically Advanced Crisis Management)

Sometimes, no matter how many deep breaths one takes, additional support is needed. Whether through ADHD coaching, therapy, or reading one of those impossibly long parenting books, Gerald recognised that learning how neurodiversity affects family dynamics could help him communicate better, understand himself more, and, crucially, avoid unnecessary stress spirals.

Final Thoughts

Raising young children while balancing work, life, and personal sanity is a heroic endeavour. But the good news is that even small adjustments can have a significant impact. Gerald and Anna found that it wasn’t about getting everything perfect – it was about finding what worked for them and making tiny improvements that helped them function as a team. And, at the end of the day, isn’t that what partnership is all about?

Looking for personalised guidance on managing stress, improving communication, or navigating ADHD challenges at home? I’m here to help. Book a complimentary ADHD Coaching Discovery Call today and let’s explore how coaching can support your family life.