ADHD Momentum: Why Pressure to Be Perfect Can Kill Our Momentum (And How to Stop It)

I had one of those classic ADHD spirals last week. You know the sort: you’re hosting friends, and what should be a simple evening turns into a full-blown logistical operation worthy of a UN summit. I was juggling work, tidying up, cooking, getting the table laid… and all the while, my brain was in overdrive. Not with joy, but with anxiety.

I realised it wasn’t just the logistics stressing me out. It was pressure. The pressure to make everything perfect. The pressure to compensate for all the times I’ve been criticised or felt like I’ve fallen short. That pressure? It’s a productivity killer and it turns fun into dread.

Why We Crumble Under Pressure

For many of us with ADHD, we’ve spent a lifetime hearing that we’re messy, late, chaotic, forgetful. And over time, we internalise it. So when something matters to us like hosting a meal we go all in. We overcompensate. We aim for perfection, not because we love it, but because we’re trying to avoid shame.

But here’s the catch:
The higher the standard we set, the more daunting the task becomes.
The more daunting it is, the more we put it off.
The more we delay, the more guilt builds.

Until we’re stuck. Paralysed. Or furiously running around an hour before guests arrive, sweaty and silently cursing the invention of cutlery.

And it’s not just dinner parties. This perfectionism shows up everywhere: presentations, housework, replying to emails, even sending birthday cards. If it can’t be done perfectly, we convince ourselves it can’t be done at all. That’s how everyday tasks turn into mountains.

You’re Not Lazy, You’re Dreading the Shame

One client I spoke to recently described it like pushing a boulder uphill. A Sisyphus situation. But what if that boulder only feels heavy because of the expectations we’ve stacked on top of it?

What if it doesn’t need to be a boulder at all?

Instead of three courses and a Pinterest-worthy tablescape, what if the goal is: “People feel welcome, and we have a laugh”? That’s the actual result we’re aiming for. And it doesn’t require perfection.

In this blog about ADHD and imposter syndrome, I talked about how internalised shame creates these impossible standards. It’s not about being good enough; it’s about feeling like we’re not allowed to relax. Ever.

How to Lighten the Load

Here are a few ADHD-friendly ways to reduce the pressure and regain momentum:

1. Define the Actual Goal

What do you really want to achieve? For me, it was a relaxed evening with friends. Not a Michelin-starred meal. Start with the outcome and work backwards.

2. Ask: What’s the Minimum Effective Dose?

What’s the smallest version of the task that still gets the job done? One dish that everyone likes. A table that’s cleared, not styled. (More on this in my blog on ADHD and getting started.)

3. Plan for Energy, Not Time

Instead of saying, “I’ll do it Friday,” ask, “Will I have the energy to do it Friday?” Our capacity fluctuates. Honour it.

4. Add Interest, Reduce Friction

If a task feels boring or heavy, find a way to spark some dopamine. Listen to music while prepping. Use a timer. Plan it while on a walk. Anything to make it less dreadful.

And sometimes, it’s about playing to our strengths. One of the gifts of the ADHD brain is that we’re fantastic in bursts of creativity, spontaneity, and energy. So lean into that. Make the task a sprint, not a marathon. Or set it up so it feels like a game. That’s often enough to unlock activation.

5. Let Others In

If the table’s not set, do it together when people arrive. Most guests are happy to help, it makes them feel at home. This is also a great way to reset unrealistic expectations we put on ourselves.

I wrote about this in my blog on good-enough thinking, where aiming for excellence can quietly become a recipe for burnout. Sometimes, the bravest thing is to aim for fine. Not perfect.

Final Thoughts

When pressure gets too high, we delay, procrastinate, or burn out. But we can reduce the weight of that rock by changing what we expect of ourselves.

The key? Start smaller. Go easier. Make it interesting. And above all, remember that your worth isn’t measured by how well you host a dinner party.

Take a moment this week to look at the tasks you’ve been avoiding. Are you waiting until you can do them perfectly? What would happen if you did them imperfectly but still got them done? Let go of the pressure. Give yourself permission to just begin.

I’m Michael Ross, a UK-based ADHD coach (ADDCA and ICF accredited). I work mostly with men who feel stuck like they’re underachieving at work and overwhelmed at home. If this sounds familiar, click here to book a discovery call with me and we’ll figure out how to lighten your load.

See here for ADHD Imposter Syndrome: 7 Ways to Turn Self-Doubt into Strength.