When Anger Hijacks the ADHD Brain (And How to Reclaim Control)

Preface: Even as an ADHD coach, I sometimes still get caught in the same emotional loops my clients face. The difference now? I have tools, support, and insight to navigate them more intentionally.

This post is about one of those moments, shared not to overshare, but to model what reflection and regulation can look like when things go sideways.

Situation

It was 3am, and I was still wide awake. One unexpected email had triggered a surge of emotion and hours of rumination. Before I knew it, I was stuck in what I call a “rage loop”, wired, exhausted and unable to change gears.

Problem

For many adults with ADHD, anger is rarely about the thing that just happened. It taps into a deeper, more familiar theme: losing agency. Feeling unheard, dismissed or unable to influence what matters.

This isn’t imagined. Emotional dysregulation, the difficulty in managing intense emotions, affects 34 to 70 percent of adults with ADHD (Hirsch et al., 2019). It’s now seen not just as a side issue but as a core part of ADHD itself (Soler-Gutiérrez et al., 2023).

One large review found that adults with ADHD show significantly higher emotional ups and downs than people without ADHD, with an effect size of Hedges’ g = 1.17, meaning the difference was quite large (Beheshti et al., 2020).

Science also explains why this happens:

• The prefrontal cortex, the brain’s control centre, works less efficiently in ADHD, especially the right side, which helps manage emotion (Arnsten, 2009).
• Communication between brain regions that process emotion and make decisions (like the amygdala and prefrontal cortex) is often disrupted (Shaw et al., 2014).
• ADHD brains tend to have a stronger negativity bias; the brain’s tendency to give more weight to negative experiences over positive or neutral ones. (Skirrow et al., 2014).

Put simply: your emotional brakes come on slower, and your accelerator is more sensitive.

Implications

When all this is happening, your thinking brain goes offline, and your emotional brain takes charge. The results are familiar:

• replaying conversations in your head
• lying awake for hours
• writing and deleting angry messages
• imagining worst-case scenarios
• feeling ashamed once the wave passes

This isn’t a weakness. It’s how ADHD works. In fact, research shows that these emotional struggles often cause more day-to-day problems than distractibility or hyperactivity.

Solution

The night in question, the tool that worked wasn’t a clever comeback. It was going to the sea.

I didn’t go to find answers. I just went to listen. The sound of the waves crashing, the rhythm of the tide, it’s like my brain finally had something louder than its own noise to focus on. I sat there in the dark, completely immersed, eyes closed, feeling the air, the salt, the hum of something much bigger than me.

And slowly, the storm inside started to settle.

That’s not just poetic fluff, there’s solid science behind why nature helps.

There’s something deeply regulating about being in natural environments, especially those with water. Researchers call these “blue spaces”, and the benefits are well documented:

• A 2024 review found that just 20 minutes in a natural environment can reduce stress hormone levels and improve emotional resilience (Shuda et al., 2020).
• Another study showed that people with access to a garden had significantly lower odds of depression and anxiety (Patwary et al., 2024).
• And a growing body of research suggests nature works by stimulating the oxytocin system, our built-in calm-and-connect response (Grahn et al., 2020).

Whether it’s the sea, a park bench, or a patch of grass on your lunch break your nervous system recognises nature as safety. And safety is what helps us come back to ourselves.

What helped me that night wasn’t a clever comeback. It was going to the sea.

There’s something about water, the movement, the sound, the open space that resets my nervous system. And science agrees: spending time in nature helps calm stress, especially in people who experience strong emotions.

• One review found that access to gardens or green spaces lowered the risk of depression by 29% and anxiety by 27% (Patwary et al., 2024).
• There’s even a theory that nature helps by boosting oxytocin, the “safety and connection” chemical (Grahn et al., 2020).

Practical Tools

1. Spot the real trigger

You’re not just reacting to this moment, you’re reacting to every time you’ve felt ignored. Naming how you feel (angry, powerless, sad) can calm the emotional part of the brain and activate the part that helps you respond wisely (Lieberman et al., 2007).

2. Calm before clarity

For some, it’s walking or water. For others, it’s music or breathwork. Whatever works for you, do it before trying to solve anything. Your body must calm down before your brain can catch up.

3. Use influence, not force

When we feel powerless, we often push harder. But true change usually happens through consistent values, calm communication and inviting others to meet us halfway.

4. Speak simply and truthfully

Say what you feel without blame. “I’m feeling hurt” goes further than “You always do this.”

5. Zoom out

Ask yourself: what do I really want here? To be heard? To feel safe? To feel respected? Or just to win? That clarity can guide your next move.

The Silver Lining of Emotional Intensity

If you’ve recognised yourself in these patterns, please know this: you are not broken. You’re not “too much.” You just feel deeply, and that comes with both challenge and strength.

This emotional sensitivity, when unmanaged, can lead to overwhelm. But when understood and supported, it’s the same trait that fuels deep empathy, fierce loyalty, strong values, and real passion. In fact, many adults with ADHD who learn to navigate their emotional intensity discover it’s one of their greatest assets.

Let’s look at what this trait can become when it’s supported and channelled:

💡 Deep Empathy

People with ADHD often have an incredible ability to tune into others. You might sense shifts in energy, emotion, or mood before others do. That makes you a compassionate friend, a thoughtful colleague, and someone who truly cares.

💡 Passion and Creativity

Big feelings fuel big energy. ADHDers are often the ones who throw themselves fully into the causes, projects and ideas they believe in. That kind of passion is contagious, it inspires and motivates others.

💡 Moral Clarity

The same brain that flares up at injustice also stands up for what’s right. Many ADHDers are driven by values. They want fairness, kindness and honesty, not just for themselves, but for others too.

💡 Emotional Resilience

It may not feel like it during a meltdown, but ADHDers are often incredibly resilient. Once regulated, many bounce back quickly, with humour, insight and perspective that helps them grow.

💡 Authenticity and Connection

Because ADHDers feel things intensely, they also connect intensely. When you’re open and supported, you can create bonds that are emotionally rich and genuinely meaningful.

This is why emotional intensity shouldn’t be pathologised, it should be understood. The goal isn’t to dull your sensitivity, but to learn how to regulate it, so you can lead with your strengths, not be ruled by your reactions.

And that’s exactly where ADHD coaching helps.

If you’ve recognised yourself in these patterns, please know this: you are not broken. You’re not “too much.” You just feel deeply, and that comes with both challenge and strength.

This emotional sensitivity, when unmanaged, can lead to overwhelm. But when understood and supported, it’s the same trait that fuels deep empathy, fierce loyalty, strong values, and real passion.

You might:

• notice when someone’s mood shifts before they even say a word
• care deeply about fairness and justice
• bounce back from setbacks with surprising insight
• bring an emotional spark to conversations, creativity and causes you care about

This isn’t an excuse for reactive behaviour. But it’s not a flaw either. It’s a signal that your brain processes emotion with intensity, and that there is a way to manage the downside without losing the upside.

That’s where coaching comes in.

Coaching isn’t therapy, but it is transformative. It helps people with ADHD:

• recognise patterns earlier
• build realistic tools that match how they think and feel
• shift from self-blame to self-awareness
• stay connected to who they want to be in tough moments

If you’re constantly swinging between shutdown and blow-up, it doesn’t mean you’re broken. It just means you need a new way to navigate. Coaching can help you build that map.

Click here to book a discovery call, and find out how ADHD coaching can help you regulate your ADHD Brain!

See here for ADHD Imposter Syndrome: 7 Ways to Turn Self-Doubt into Strength.