Meet Nigel. He’s a charmingly dishevelled sort of fellow, with mismatched socks, a perpetually misplaced set of car keys, and a brain that could give an Olympic gymnast a run for its acrobatics. Nigel is witty, imaginative, and quick to laugh when he isn’t busy mentally berating himself.
When we first met on a coaching call, Nigel described himself as being in what he called “a mental bog.” It wasn’t just the kind of sticky situation where you forget an important deadline. No, this was the kind of bog where the more you struggled, the deeper you sank.
The Beginning of the Day
Nigel’s downward spiral started with a seemingly innocuous email from a colleague. It was a critique of a report he’d submitted nothing harsh, just a few polite suggestions for improvement. For most people, it would have been a momentary sting, followed by, “Ah well, let me tweak that.”
But for Nigel, the email was like a match tossed into a haystack. His brain immediately went up in flames:
- The Thoughts: “I’ve blown it. They think I’m incompetent. Why did I even think I could do this job?”
- The Emotions: Embarrassment, anxiety, and a familiar sinking feeling that settled in his chest like a rock.
- The Reaction: In an attempt to escape the discomfort, Nigel decided to “take a break” and opened a video game.
The Escape Trap
What started as a five-minute gaming session turned into three hours. Nigel’s reasoning? “I just needed to numb out for a bit.” But as he sat there staring at his screen, guilt began to creep in.
He hadn’t addressed the email. He hadn’t done anything productive. And now, on top of everything else, he felt lazy and unmotivated.
Nigel told me, “It’s like I’m caught in this loop:
- I mess something up.
- I beat myself up about it.
- I avoid dealing with it by distracting myself, which just makes me feel worse.”
This was where we found Nigel when he joined the call: stuck in the mental bog, with Captain Catastrophe the name we later gave his inner critic at the helm.
Our Coaching Call
Nigel wasn’t just stuck; he was ready to give up. “Why does my brain do this to me?” he asked. “I feel like a hamster on a wheel, but the wheel is on fire.”
We started by breaking things down into manageable pieces:
Step 1: Naming the Problem
I asked Nigel to step back and observe his thoughts, almost as if they belonged to someone else.
- “What are you saying to yourself right now?” I asked.
- He hesitated, then admitted, “I’m telling myself I’m useless.”
That’s when we decided to give his inner critic a name: Captain Catastrophe. Every time those harsh, exaggerated thoughts popped up, Nigel could say, “Oh, it’s just Captain Catastrophe again.” Naming it helped him distance himself from the criticism and see it for what it was: unhelpful noise.
Step 2: Finding a Quick Win
Nigel needed a way to shift gears, but it had to be simple. When you’re stuck in a mental bog, climbing Mount Everest isn’t exactly appealing.
- We brainstormed easy actions he could take to break the cycle of rumination.
- He settled on a walk around his garden. Nothing epic just a stroll past the shed, which he jokingly called “the place good intentions go to die.”
After a few laps, Nigel returned to the call. “It’s amazing,” he said, “how stepping outside makes me feel like I’ve escaped a prison.”
Step 3: Flipping the Script
Nigel struggled to see his strengths, so we worked on reframing his narrative. I asked him to think of one thing he’d done well recently.
After some prodding, he mentioned making an excellent cup of tea. “It’s silly,” he said, “but it was perfectly brewed.”
We dug into that small win:
- “What does that say about you?” I asked.
- He laughed. “That I have impeccable taste in tea?”
- “And?”
- “Maybe… that I can pay attention to detail, even when I’m stressed.”
From there, Nigel created a “Positive Nigel File.” He started jotting down small victories, no matter how insignificant they seemed.
By the End of the Call
When we wrapped up, Nigel wasn’t just out of the bog, he was practically skipping across the garden. Here’s what changed:
- Awareness: He recognized his patterns of rumination and avoidance.
- Action: He found small, actionable steps to break the cycle.
- Empowerment: By focusing on his strengths, he began to build a toolkit for handling difficult moments.
How Nigel Felt
“Relieved,” he said. “And a bit daft for letting Captain Catastrophe run the show. But also… hopeful? Like I’ve got a bit of a plan now.”
Nigel also left the call with a new mantra:
“It’s not about avoiding the bog, it’s about learning how to wade through it without sinking.”
What About You?
If you find yourself stuck in a similar loop of self-criticism and avoidance, take a page from Nigel’s book:
- Name your inner critic, it’s easier to manage when it’s not you.
- Find a quick, simple action to break the cycle, like stepping outside or stretching.
- Create your own “Positive File” to remind yourself of your wins.
Here’s a helpful exercise to shift your mindset and tap into your positive energy. You can try it for yourself by visiting
Nigel’s story isn’t unique, it’s a common experience for people with ADHD. The good news? With the right tools and support, you can turn your mental bog into fertile ground for growth. And hey, if Nigel can do it, so can you. Even Captain Catastrophe needs a holiday now and then.